The Process of Elimination

I need to get this off my chest. Hmm.

Sometimes I kind of forget to do updates, so here's one for you guys who were interested in the post about the guy I dumped and was trying to forget (not the Skinny Suburbanite, this one).

I will never forget the old adage 'time heals' when going through what seems unbearable pain during the actual crisis - because it does for me, especially if the pain was not worth it in the first place and I look back and think 'What the heck was I thinking of?'

Of course there are moments well-defined in 'phases', in which you let go of someone, and those faded away gradually, as I recognised his behaviours for what they were: of no interest towards me in the way I had desired - but he was no long-term match-in-the-making to start off with anyway. I have not contacted him once since he returned from abroad but decided to keep communication open, and it's led to him directly asking for you know what, and boy, does that make me feel like breaking off contact completely. Yes, OK, it's a given that that would be on the cards, but since we've been done, I have vowed I will not indulge in these excesses because it would hinder my efforts to lead to someone worthy of my affections in the long-term. So him jumping on me in this manner does not tie in with my strategic moves, shall we say.

I am not even going to be angry at realising what he really thinks of me by assuming I'd fall for his weak game because my shortcomings in the past allowed for them. I've toughened myself up in the interim, but his contact reinforces my understanding of what I want in a future relationship, and what I should not sacrifice to preserve my sense of self-worth. Because I can see that if we were still together, by now I would be wrapped around his little finger with his advances, suffocating in a world of delusion without my emotions realising that I was, in fact, being manipulated, and allowing myself to be. How shrouded one's vision can get when one's head is in the clouds and one's heart is yet again succumbing to the pleasures of the world...and the men in it.

I'm not being dramatic - I was just trying to convey accurately how I feel and what I'm doing about it to make sure history does not repeat itself, and that I achieve balance. The only way I can do that is to keep eliminating the rubbish from my life because so far, it has brought good results. I've had to banish emotional thinking from my decision-making, and gain the strength to do so by visualising outcomes favourable to my future goals. I've introduced new, productive activities to my routine, replacing the old ones, and I feel much better for it.