The Skinny Suburbanite

So finally I tracked him down...I have no idea why, all these years, he was nowhere to be found on the Internet. Of course, I could have found out through mutual contacts what his number was after I lost it...but now I think I have it, I am not sure whether it's a good idea to call until I'm clear about my motives for doing so, and accepting that going ahead will have some degree of emotional consequence - either on his part, or mine - or both. Well, he did write me one of those long, heartbroken letters after I vanished - the kind a girl would dream of having...you know, the one where a man is pining after you...

Why I'd want to get back in touch is because I've been trying to for such a long time, as first and foremost, I realised with maturity that leaving him in the way I did was disrespectful and selfish. At that age, you're not really thinking a 'sit-down chat' is what is required when ending a relationship that has to end anyway because you're going back home. So I did what I thought was decent, and assumed it would come to an abrupt end in any case since my departure date was fixed since the day I arrived. But no, I didn't realise that completely breaking off contact with him after a whirlwind romance (complete with sell-by date) would leave him in a state of despair. I was so nonchalant about it: after all, what was the point in having strong feelings for him when there was no future to begin with?


I suppose it was just like in the movies...like a classic love tale: so much so, that I feel I've had my fill of romance to last me a lifetime...red roses and love letters at breakfast; leisurely strolls in the park; weekend escapades up and down the country; singing songs on the guitar (that bit made me cringe every time!) - our first date was watching the fireworks at the beach under the stars, for heaven's sake! To top it all off, we had the obligatory 'photo' taken after dinner at his parents' house! By that time, towards the end, I found myself in a surreal world - simply being in the body of 'the girl' who has a dream-man at her doorstep, yet in the mind of one that had no choice but to leave. Besides, I don't think it would have worked out given my criteria then. He's a country-boy, he smoked too much, was so skinny I thought he'd faint over time, and I just thought he lacked drive...but he had his positives, which I value more now, seeing as I've developed a fondness for skinny and country ;-) I suppose I just thought what the heck am I doing in suburbia entering a bungalow where I have to watch out for bats in the dark?!

Hmm...I suppose people can't really judge others' relationships from just a few words, but I feel I must put things right, just so that I have the chance to say a few things to clear up the past, and seek forgiveness as I know I was wrong. Just the one phonecall, and see where it leads. Or perhaps avoid contact altogether.