It ain't over 'til it's over
Since he’s been gone, it’s been kind of eating me up. I’ve lost sight of my goals, and am constantly distracted by thoughts of him, and our memories together. It’s not doing good for me, and the whole point of breaking up with him was to feel free again! So what’s going on?
I suppose the fact that he’s just losing touch with me is hurting my ego; although I have to say, what would be the point in it for him to keep in touch when he’s abroad having a good time? It’s not fair to expect that, is it? And besides, either way, I need some external force to play its part and make sure he stays away from me for good, otherwise I’m not going to be able to finally move on, and we don’t want that now, do we.
Sometimes you do have an awakening realisation – a thought comes into your mind like a flashing lightbulb, which suddenly helps you understand why it makes better sense to think with your head rather than your heart. I’ve made all sorts of excuses to justify all of his actions. Heck, I’m still subconsciously finding good things to say about him here so I can prolong my need to have some sort of connection to him in my life or mind. But the ego finds it hard to resist mental drama, and that’s the voice I need to conquer to be truly free. The turning point came when my head spoke to me the other day; disconnected from the heart. It said, “He’s not calling you because he’s not interested – not because he cares about you and doesn’t want to hurt you by still being in touch with you!”
How ironic that there’s such a huge market for women’s books on empowerment in relationships when women are known for giving great advice to others! It’s such a shame it’s taken me this long to get over him, but I’m going to try and remember that rejection shouldn’t always be taken personally – actually I rejected him, so it’s the other way around – what a thing to worry about! And then there’s the dumping aspect, and the guilt that comes with it...it’s harder to end a relationship with someone who was really quite good to me – I respected him, but it was not going anywhere, so it was time to call it quits. I’m glad I finally took that step because now it’s easier to see that I was just in my comfort zone and with someone who was not good enough!
When something good ends, it’s important to keep your spirits high and not lose faith in human relationships. I do sometimes think how can a human being who shared so much with me find it so easy to now not call me? The answer doesn’t matter anymore since that’s life: we are all built in different ways with different coping strategies.
There are many sites which really helped me through the process – the bottom line is: don’t waste your time on anybody who doesn’t appreciate you (in the way you want), and time heals. There are plenty more fish in the sea when you cast your net widely.
13 comments:
Somebody's got her grove back! They say, what can't break ya, just makes you stronger, for a reason. Life helps the learning / growing process.
Oh - and how I loved all your comments and insight throughout the times, rosh.
Wow - such blessed people in the world!
Keep yer chin up girl. If it wasn't ever going to go where you wanted it to go then he is not worth your precious time. The right one is out there right now, and whether or not he knows it, he is moving mountains to get to you. Be patient, be strong and above all be you, because its YOU he's looking for.
memories fade with time. it helps if you make new ones as you go along. then when you look back, it's all fog and haze :)
Hello dear Rose in Dubai, how are you?
Thanks, dear, that's such a 'good vibes' comment! LOL!
hemlock luvey, it's easy to forget that when you're in the middle of a situation. I know time has healed in the past, so remembering that always helps in the current moment:P LOL!
I really feel I've moved on overnight, but it's required a lot of effort...
I had been writing a lot about the process and never published them, because I was still trying to find a way to finally get over him. I woke up on the day of this post, and decided I needed to write again and hoped that would be the last of my writings about him...I like the way it came out and proved I'm willing to move on - makes me feel much stronger and better.
In fact, they say you never know when love strikes...since I've really opened my eyes, I just realised there have been lots of good guys out there whose signs I missed...! And I nearly missed one guy's signs - he is so obviously into me, and I fancied him without knowing it! LOL... Gosh I'm so blind :)
Out with the old, in with the new AND GOOD :)
hmm. i hear you.
just...be careful...ok?
as in, dont pin your happiness, and in effect your life on one guy.
man, is that a recipe for disaster or what :)
guys are great to have around, but you shouldnt be left incomplete (and wondering how he can move on and not call) should one decide to walk out on you. (if he doesnt call, there should be plenty others who do call and make you feel equally good).
*shrugs*
g'luck princess =)
hemlock, you're totally right. It's easy to get stuck in a rut, or get so attached to a guy - the wrong guy - which can impact on your self-esteem...
I'm learning not to let anyone affect my happiness, and definitely won't be carrying that weakness onto another guy! Never good to be emotionally dependent on someone who was never available in the first place...! - 'and wondering how he can move on and not call' - that thought crossed my mind in the old way of doing things!! Pas encore :P
Thx a lot :)))
life should not be only about the guys...which unfortunately seems to be the case, there is no other serious pursuit in life for women of the region than grab a suitor, who anyways after a few years will go after someone else. cmom..you are better than this...there is more this life can offer than just the attention of some useless guy. pursue stuff that makes people evolve, and have an independent point of view, than just follow the herd. it may be hard work, but believe me it will pay off in the end. there is no surety the next one also may work out, don't put all your life in one basket called man...spread your interests in life.
Hey anon, thanks for your comment, totally agree in principle, but I am not one who follows the herd. Far from it lol!
As for me, man is my number one target as my clock is ticking! Doesn't mean to say I'm hunting one as if there's no tomorrow - I do have other interests and the best way to attract a mate is to be independent as you say, and pursue plenty of activities where you meet like-minded people.
I'd rather stay positive and not assume every man is going to run off after a couple of years 'anyway' lol - otherwise life would be tres depressing, non?
But yeah I agree the guy in the post was useless, and there's no shame in admitting I'm shopping for the right candidate lol - now with a new strategy :)
when you are chasing something, it will never come to you. and deep desire in something will probably consume the person who is pursuing it, instead of realising it. even if you get it, it will probably not mean as much as you thought it would. you need a middle path for everything in life. but then that's buddhism, works for me.
Nice take on things, anon...
I'm done with chasing...good things come to those who wait...all good things come to an end..., which is why it makes even more sense to enjoy the journey :)
Thanks :)
I can't comment on the situation because I know nothing, but let me observe that your writing style has matured in two short years into something rather velvety. It's good to see.
Hmmm...clock's ticking, you say? What a remarkably dagger-in-cloak statement...
What you've got to realize is that the clock will keep ticking...until you learn how to take out the batteries. Once you learn that, there's no stopping you, girl!
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