Why Jog when you can Run?
Why jog when you have a fantastic automated machine in front of you? You can time your run, be it uphill, rollling hills, or fat burner. For the more adventurous of you, it might be manual: 20 minutes if you're the regular female gym-goer, and 45 straight minutes if you own an i-pod, and/or you're a health-conscious male.
Work that butt while you try NOT to stare into that adorable reflection in front. Look left, look right, look at the BBC News. You need to watch the report about starving Africans so that you look intelligent in front of rowing Henry to your right, the muscly Londoner who's pumping as if there's no tomorrow.
Finish the cardio. Move to the leg pumpers. Look to the mirror in front as if you're checking your movements. Check your eyeliner between rests. Pat your cheeks dry with the designer towel as South African pumps next to you. Start the next set. Pretend as if you're not watching the mirror. BBC is far more interesting.
Move a few miles to the triceps machine. Lift the seat up, enjoy the noise of the seat mechanisms as it moves move towards your precious parts, your thighs grabbing the seat from both angles, as if you're...(one of a hundred things...riding a horse??). Every guy is looking. You just don't know it. Push down with those delicately "strong" arms. Study the beauty of your shoulders. Is your movement correct? Posture aligned? Check it. Correct yourself. Pretend to look at the TV when the Englishguy walks in to the gym. Finish the set.
Wait for the shoulder press. There's a queue. Pretend to answer your mobile, which you forgot at South African's weight machine. Bend over to pick up the call, and try to look as if you're not "bending over". Pat your cheeks with the designer towel again. You've had such a hard workout. Pout a bit. You're all natural. After all, you're not wearing ANY make-up, you're just there to work out!
Loud Lebanese boy finishes. Shoulder press is all yours. This is your finale. Set the weight to what you can handle. The world is your oyster. 2 or 1? You decide. Fix it. Let it make a slight noise, so all testosteronees look towards you. Place your conservative ass on the black seat. Run your manicured fingers through your moderate hairstyle. Sigh at the fact your gym session has neared its end. Wait for male attention. Start pumping. You can handle the 15 kg. Go for it. Don't make a face. Look elegant. Finish your sets. Perspire. Pat dry. Finish. Sigh. Answer your imaginary call. You have to leave the gym. Open your own door.
Exit, appreciating the wonderful fresh air outside. That routine was such a chore. Look to your mobile as if you have a pressing date. The guys on the treadmills on the right will be looking at you, wondering what they've missed, why they didn't make small talk. Start jogging. Run, fast. Don't jog, it's not worth it.
10 comments:
And so the truth shall set ye free!
So this is what a girl does in a gym while playing hard to git?
Thanks for the tip.
Will remember to watch out for these tell-tale signs during my next pump iron session.
Will you marry me Miss Maginate? :-)
what is a moderate hairstyle?
Adam: watch it, you are starting to sound like a wimp;
Damn...fancy a fuck then?
That was obviously aimed at the blog author (beats chest in heterosexual alpha male fashion)
I'm screwing this up badly huh :)
Do you need to wear one of those sports bras when your out running?
Just wondering!
MWUH X
You write well.. but surely this is much more timid stuff than previously written.. i liked the use and coinage of the word "testosteronees".. as it's very apt and descriptive.
Although this was fun to read, but have you tried to work out later at night (if there are those 24hr gyms around Dubai-town?).. at which your partner comes to pick you up when you're done and sweaty.. but before you go home, you have a session at the benchpress.. or perhaps you burn a few calories together on the treadmill.
maybe then someone will walk in.. and if suitable join in too.. what do you reckon?
I think I know CG's answer already.
*jim...indeed..the secret's out! ;) Watch the signs...they're all there!
*adam - Of course I'll marry you! What are the t's & c's? P.S. I didn't call u a wimp, it was *cg...;P lol it's ok.. I'll still marry you but shall I change my name to eve*maginate? ;)
*cg - What I meant by 'moderate hairstyle' in this context was that it wasn't too done up, it was the 'nearly there' look - suitable for the gym...it contrasts with the 'manicured fingers' bit, which is totally 'done up' - total contradiction. I love it.
*taunted - r u genuinely interested in female sportswear or the female anatomy? Yes, most ladies need to wear a sports bra when bouncing around. Hope that satisfies your curiosity ;)
*buj - thanks! I am quite happy with my gym. If only I dragged my butt down there during the off-peak hours, I would be much happier. LOL yeah, you mean security guard joining us? I really don't think so! And the gym would be the last place for a twosome - it's not the most attractive method of sweating! what's going on with you an cg lol
Actually this whole post was written coz I am delaying going to the gym. It's full of plonkers and heavy-breating hairy hotties. I just can't concentrate on my workout! :(
oopsie.. someone wrote this comment while using my account...
damn.. they haven't heard of the sign-off feature.
anyway.. seems ur back on track.. slowly :)
So long as she don't yell 'help or rape' I'm game.
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