Flying not so high

Heaven forbid I ever fly this airline again. After all the hype and rigmarole, it is the worst airline experience I've ever had.

Expect world-class service from a company fuelled with cash, and you get 3rd world rubbish at classy rates, topped with intern attendants whose moral preferences deem inappropriate at local levels: the stewards could never have come more well-groomed.

Why a so-called modern airline employs old and ugly hags who don't know the meaning of duty-free wrinkle cream is beyond laughable. As we took off, some disenchanted kid behind me ran a live commentary to her dad about how the empty skies reminded her of "Harry". Since the earplugs were not available at that time, I dug my nails into my ears, blanking out the sound. All around, people were coughing, as if it were the plague. I soon realised the noise was coming from the lager louts to my left.

Trying to picture myself snoozing peacefully with a change of seats, I figured it would be best to reseat towards the laughing louts as the Harry enthusiast would have put my brain into a premature comical arrest. In doing so, I figured the free % would put the louts to sleep, letting me doze off in peace and tranquility. The % flowed, and the Harry girl's dad walked around with his flies undone, reading the complimentary papers, tapping his right leg as if the sun wouldn't shine again. This disturbance hypnotised me into a deep sleep.

Not soon after, I awoke, realising the intoxicating laughter that stemmed from the seats in front would not stop.

There was nothing that could salvage the situation. All I could accept was that if there's no such thing as hell, I was probably flying in Purgatory.

Now, I'm back in Dubai.